Broken Amish

Broken Amish

Recently, due to a television program that has portrayed Amish youth in the big city, a lot of interest has been stirred up about these sectarian youth and efforts to transition them into the broader society.  Change is hard.  Change is painful. Change is enduring. Change is necessary.

Having been raised in a conservative Christian home, I know what it means to experience strong opinions about social issues.  There was a right way to think about something and a wrong way to think about it.  Absolutes were the daily menu of life. In Fundamental Baptist culture, most young men are specifically encouraged to consider giving up their own lives to ‘full time’ service for the Lord before even considering a practical job or career.  Teens are encouraged to be preachers, missionaries, evangelists, etc.  Bible College and marriage to someone of the opposite sex is usually the prerequisite for such an endeavor.  Leaving family and home’s surroundings, youth and young marrieds travel across the globe to ‘save’ the ‘heathen’.  Service for the Lord is considered paramount to being ‘full surrendered’ to God and his work on the Earth. Spirituality is gaged by ‘self- sacrifice’ of time, talent, and careers in order to please God.  For Amish youth, there are more practical living absolutes.  Going to school till the 8^th grade, getting a job working hard with your hands, dating someone of the opposite sex, being baptized into church membership and marrying appropriately (within parental approval) are all very real absolutes in the life of an Amish young person.  There are few exceptions to this general rule of societal living, and usually someone who remains single is made to feel strange, like they are on the fringe of the group and less committed. 

Whatever the group, and whatever the pressure, breaking out of any set mold of conformity is very hard for an individual to do.  It is not specifically that emotions and feelings of hurting the sensibilities of others discourages, but rather that the one who desires change feels like embracing that change would somehow be less rewarding then the secure, socially constrain life they now live.  This reticence to step out and embrace something different is evidence of the broken condition a person develops under the demanding strain of social conformity.

Closed societies demand adherence to their principles by every member within their realm of influence.  No individualism of thought or deed can be tolerated if the group is to maintain balance.  People live with the constant mental knowledge of loss, pain, regret, and isolation if they ever choose to depart from the prescribed ways of their group.  In the military, a soldier in basic training is clearly shown the boundaries of the training camp.  He is familiarized with the term AWOL- absent without leave.  He is taught the direct consequences of him ever being unaccounted for or missing from where he is supposed to be, when he is supposed to be there.  Stories of beaten and bruised soldiers, lain up in hospitals and being recycled to go through basic training again for being caught AWOL, are very real examples taught to each new recruit.  Many fundamentalist Baptist youth grow up with feelings of terrible shame and failure if they do not succeed at ‘winning lost souls to Christ’ as preachers, missionaries and evangelists.  Amish know the extreme physical, emotional and spiritual shunning and censorship that will occur if they do not conform to the Order of their church.   These people are broken into the mold of their respective societal order.  They are not free spirits or individualists.  They are not encouraged to think outside of the box of what they are told.  They are not encouraged to see the world differently than by the view given to them.  They are not able to stand tall on their own, morally and socially responsible in their own right.  Being gay, or having same gender attraction is just one more thing added to the list of impossible options for many people living in closed cultural societies.  For a young fundamental Baptist, imaging what being free to live openly and honestly as his truly gay self is something far from remotely imaginable.  There is no legitimate option for existence seen in his mind.  An Amishman, who comes to acknowledge his true gay self inwardly, can only see a doomed future in embracing that reality.  There is no bright tomorrow, for the security and health of today within the acceptable embrace of society clouds out the glint of sunshine in the future.

How does one heal oneself from such brokenness? 

I. Recognize the blessing of Creation in your personal life. 

    -God made you who you are individually as a person who is loved and unique

II. Embrace the value of order and tradition but appreciate opportunities for innovation

    -God has people in differing situations for specific reasons.  He had a Noah, Moses and Abraham, he doesn’t need you to be them, he wants you to be you.

III. Have faith that God’s ways are not always what humans think they are.

    -Church order and societal constraints are not direct commands of God but are man-made

   -Life is possible outside of the prescribed agenda of any given society, and it can be healthy

IV. Closed societies are not the God-given manner for all people to dwell within

   -Individuals can live happily outside of tightly controlled environments

    -Being openly honest and true with yourself about your same gender attraction can be the most rewarding decision you make in your life.

   -Meeting a partner, finding a job and having a new family, church group and supportive community is all actually possible outside of the constraints of closed societies.

V. Believe enough to make the choice, and step out by faith to do it.

    -God desires obedience far more than sacrifice.  He asks you to be honest and true, before him and with others.  It is better to obey him than to hide within the ‘safety’ of socially closed churches, sacrificing the chance to be who you really are openly.

- Fear of man brings a snare and torment into one’s life.  Living daily with that fear is not healthy.

One of the biggest things that the youth portrayed in the recent television showed mentioned, was that they feared being alone and living out in the wider world unsupported.  Living a closeted life of self-deprecation within the ‘supportive community’ is a lonelier existence and more damaging than stepping out and embracing who you are honestly.  It is my sincere prayer and hope that those, living inside communities who restrict the possibility of anyone actually living openly as their gay self, be encouraged to embrace healing for themselves of their broken spirits and step out by faith to live before God how they were created by him to be. 

Many conservative churches and people will not change their minds about the reality of gays.  Gay people within those churches must choose to live outside of their societies boundaries or remain broken within.  Coming OUT is the change that is needed and living OUT is the healing that can make a positive difference in the lives of any same gender attracted person.