I am Gay, now what?

I am Gay, now what?

The initial step of recognizing that you have same gender attraction is probably one of the biggest hurdles an Old Order or Conservative church member needs to face.  So much of the religious culture perpetuated in Pennsylvania German communities is focused on young people growing up, getting married to someone of the opposite gender and having babies to create a traditional family, that it creates unnatural pressure to perform according to this prescribed model.  Not everyone is able to have children, and not everyone is interested in the opposite gender, but overcoming these facts can be a very difficult journey both mentally and emotionally.

Once anyone has recognized and accepted for themselves that they do indeed have same gender interest or attraction, deciding what to do about it is the next step in understanding and affirming who they are as a whole person on this Earth.  There are two options involving choice, either acceptance and affirmation or denial and resignation.

Denial and Resignation: 1. Believe the best thing to do is not embrace your personal sexuality

                                          2.  Continue with the established status quo as taught by the church

                                          3.  Accept only opposite gender partnerships as valid marriage

                                          4.   Deny personal self any same gender intimacy     

                                          5.  Ignore the chance for support and community with others like you  

Acceptance and Affirmation:

1. Believe the best thing to do is to embrace your personal sexuality

2. Discontinue supporting the established status quo as taught by the church

3. Accept and Affirm same gender relationships as valid

4. Accept and Affirm same gender intimacy for oneself personally

5. Be consciously active in supporting others with same gender attraction just like you  

     For many who have only ever known the Old Order church and its insulated community life, coming OUT as openly gay, is certainly a daunting prospect.  Fear of shunning and loss of family, friends and livelihood most often will keep a church member from accepting and affirming their own sexuality in any way.  Some may even come to the point of acknowledging that they do have same gender attraction, but they will choose to remain in quiet, personal self-denial in order to continue being accepted in their family communities and church congregations.

    Perhaps choosing this first option of denial and resignation seems safest and the least demanding, but what are the consequences in that person’s life and the lives of those whom they influence?      How many other people are on the brink of tragedy regarding this issue in their lives and could be really helped or encouraged by acceptance and affirmation being expressed by someone they know?    

If the Old Order and Conservative Church communities are ever going to grow spiritually enough to regard all people as created by God and loved by Jesus, they must first come to see this truth lived out in the lives of the very people they want to ban from this reality.  Inevitably, human emotion changes regarding an issue when it affects them personally and directly.

 The more honest and open people become who are members of closed societies, the more pressure will be put on these churches to embrace the reality that their status quo is not necessarily right or accurately spiritual. 

When anyone becomes knowledgeable of their own reality of same gender attraction, they are ultimately going to choose how they respond to that knowledge.  No man lives or dies unto himself is a famous saying, but it stills holds true today, especially in this situation.  If an Old Order church member chooses to mix some options of the above mentioned choices, they may have some limited success in their lives with that decision, but they have still made a choice.  How that choice affects them and those around them will reveal itself in time.

Carrying the Burden:

The Burden of Responsibility IS NOT YOURS ALONE TO BEAR!

Many church members feel that if they dare do something contrary to the will of the community, that they will somehow bring down God’s judgment or cause others to be discouraged from keeping the faith.  Still others feel that their commitments to marriage vows and family arrangements necessitate them committing self-sacrifice for the rest of their lives.  These are not burdens you have to bear!  God honors obedience more than SACRIFICE!

It is very important for someone who is same gender attracted to understand that, being born into a society or community that has an attitude against your natural creation as a person with same gender attraction, is not your fault.  You are not to blame for growing up through adolescence to adulthood within the framework of that society’s expectations, having to deny yourself for survival.  Conforming to the prescribed order of opposite gender marriage and family reproduction was not the choice you would have made if you had been FREE to make it.  The responsibility for controlling and manipulating any group of people into such strictures of society rests upon the leaders in power within that community and the traditional teachings handed down through time.  The individual is responsible for what they do with the knowledge they have been given, and the choices they make once enlightened to this reality.

So, what Obedience does God actually require?

-Self-denying sacrifice to the prescribed orders of human organizational rules?

-Personal celibacy in order to continue being accepted by the community?

-Private honoring of marriage and family vows made from societal pressure tactics?

-Continued outward display of dishonest concurrence with accepted Church order?

Truly, these things are not the burdens a same gender person has to bear, but rather the burden of choosing to be honest, truthful, loving, accepting, affirming and embracing of themselves and others for who and what they really are.  Spiritually speaking, how can an Old Order or Conservative Christian person honestly live with themselves before God without living openly and honestly once they have come to this knowledge of truth?  Certainly there is some wisdom in being considerate and conscientious of the needs of others in every decision we make.  Knowing the correct timing and being aware of the cost and effect coming OUT will have on your life and others is of utmost importance.  Changing one’s marital or parenting situation in order to adjust to an openly honest and obedient life before God is something that needs careful and thoughtful planning and responsible decision making.  It can be done, and someone with same gender attraction can begin a new life on the other side of this choice, free from the burden of bearing the shame and rejection their community has shown them all their life.

My hope and prayer for all Old Order and Conservative church people from Pennsylvania German communities is that they can come to the place of honest embrace, affirmation and acceptance of themselves before God for who and what they truly are as humans and created beings on this Earth.