My Way of the Highway

My Way, or the Highway…

This expression sums up some of the strongest feelings people have concerning just about any issue.  When an individual does something contrary to one's wishes, some might be tempted to reiterate the way they think things should be, and give a harsh ultimatum about the options should they refuse to comply.

When Emperor Constantine established freedom of religion for Christians, and endowed wealth, power, houses and lands upon church leaders, it gradually became a prejudiced situation that turned against many Christians who would not accept this State-sponsored beneficence.  Down through the centuries, powerful leaders have tried to control their populaces by offering their way, or designating the highway as the alternative.  Church and political leaders have led crusades against people for differing cultural customs, religious practices, race, or for just about any reason one can dream up.  In Old Order and Fundamentalist Christian families today, similar situations occur.  Parents will often offer financial stability and security to their children, expecting those individuals comply with the requirements of their beneficence. When their faithful and obedient, God-fearing children, who are often so loved and appreciated by family and church, are suddenly found out to be gay, a crusade often ensues!

Gay children should not have to face such harsh options or decisions in their lives.  Many young boys and girls, from Conservative Christian homes, fear judgment and reprisal for daring to even contemplate that they might be gay.  This fear of ‘facing the highway’ is the cause for severe self-deprecation in some individuals, insecurity, loss of personal self-esteem, and possibly even lead to suicidal notions.  Many will choose to ‘deny’ their own understanding of themselves and super-impose a culturally acceptable impression upon themselves as a façade.  This behavior creates an environment of ‘fake-ness’ to just about everything in their lives.  Children desire to love their parents and be loved in return.  It is extremely hard for gay children to acknowledge that there might be something in their own lives which renders them ‘unlovely’ to their parents.

When parents have such harsh attitudes of intolerance for the 'gayness' of their offspring, their children resort to hiding the identity which has caused offense, and locking themselves away inside their desire to please and be loved. Unfortunately, there are many, many adults who have done this in childhood and then come to see the reality of it as they’ve matured.  Often, gay children grow up, perform the expected required rites of passage (graduate, marry opposite sex, have children, etc.) and then find themselves truly desiring to break free of the façade they are living.  Oh the pain, tragedy and convoluted intrigues that could be avoided, if parents treated their gay children respectfully and affirmed them as loved and cherished!

This need not be a ‘my way, or the highway’ issue.  Parents can see their children grow up with the values they were taught, and their shared interests enjoyed together as a family, even if their child is gay.  Being gay should never be the deciding point of whether or not a parent should still love or fellowship with their child.  Gay children can honor their parents, love them, and obey them, but they should be affirmed and appreciated just for who they are as individuals God created, not robotic molds conformed to the parents specific ideals.

It is my sincere hope and prayer, that Old Order and Conservative Christian parents everywhere will seriously consider how much they truly love their children.  Are they willing to love them even if they are gay? Will that love be strong enough to affirm their children as viable, lovable members of their family?  Will they willingly fellowship and embrace their offspring with equal love, respect and affection?

LOVE is an action, charity and affection are things done and shown.  True Love for a child is not expressed when a parent says they love their child, but hate their sin of being gay!

If parents truly love their gay children, they will hear them explain their journey, the deep emotions and feelings involved, and recognize that being gay is not a choice they made to hurt or displease their parents, and consider that they are a gift from God, created through them for good in the world.